The Definition of Friendship Seijoh Edition
by Haruhi02
Summary: "Oikawa, look." "What—No, Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan, no! Don't do it! Iwa-chan!" "Hey Shittykawa, where are you going? ...Oikawa? Oikawa!" "Why are standing in the hallway?" "Oikawa, you are so dead."


**THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP [SEIJOH EDITION]**

* * *

the dork and the self-proclaimed pauper

* * *

Oikawa believes that in every good friendship, there is always one side that is more childish than the other. He's sure that in his case, the child part is interchangeable and both parties always allow it.

In other words, sometimes, it's Iwa-chan who's the kid in their friendship.

Oikawa lets him do it because Iwa-chan lets _him_ be _his_ childish self and Oikawa, being the greatest best friend in the world, can only return the favor.

What's absolutely ridiculous though, are the things Childish Iwa-chan find amazing.

When they were five, it was bug catching and even though Oikawa found bugs absolutely hideous and gross and no they were not practically aliens despite what Iwa-chan had said, he mustered up his courage and caught beetles with Iwa-chan. In return, Iwa-chan would listen to him while he spewed his five year old theories on alien life.

It was, and still is, a good friendship.

Even if Iwa-chan's sometimes so hilariously, childishly, cringe-worthy ridiculous.

"Oikawa, _look_."

Iwa-chan holds up a book Oikawa's pretty sure's about fish. Iwa-chan might argue that point. "It's about _sea life_ Oikawa, don't be a jerk to marine animals." And Oikawa still believes the only important marine animal in existence is fish. As such, they deserve to be the primary right for indiscriminate addressing of marine life. But Oikawa digresses.

"Look at this shark."

"I'm looking Iwa-chan." He complies. He's looking but he doesn't see what Iwa-chan finds so amazing about the stupid fish; what's got him so intrigued about the damn thing he brought his book with him right before practice and is showing it to Oikawa _in front of_ their juniors. Iwa-chan must be desperate. Or something. The longer this goes on, the more Oikawa leans toward The Something.

"How can you not see how cool this is?" Iwa-chan shakes the book in his grasp, as if the motion will somehow manage to convey to Oikawa what is totally lost on him. All it really does, though, is have Oikawa glance at the increasing whispering of their juniors around them. He's so glad Makki and Mattsun have already changed and gone to practice. Their profession in the meme production would have made it all worse. Or on second thought, maybe he's not. Maybe if they were here, Iwa-chan would shower them with the ridiculous coolness he finds in fish. Seriously, Iwa-chan, get a girlfriend or go to the gym or something. There it is again; The Something.

"Get me one for my birthday."

"I can't get you a fish for your birthday, Iwa-chan! Everyone would laugh at me!" Goddammit. Iwa-chan really has the hots for this fish. It's not even _cute_. Oikawa swears the rest of the juniors leave with smirks and laughs under their breathes. _Iwa-chan, all the respect your underclassmen had for you? I'm sorry to inform you its vanished and it's all your fault._ And, by association, so has it for Oikawa. How's he supposed to train Yahaba to be caption with this idiot of a best friend?

"You're such an asshole."

"And you're unreasonable, Iwa-chan!"

Iwa-chan starts changing, huffing and all visible nerves mirroring annoyance in his features. Oikawa sighs and follows his example.

"Maybe if you had waited until after practice to show me your stupid fish, then I might have taken you seriously. Geez, Iwa-chan, have some tact."

"Oh wait, I forgot to show you something."

Iwa-chan flips through his book. It takes him a minute but he finally seems to find what he's looking for and he holds it up for Oikawa to see with the most triumphant look Oikawa's ever seen on him. He never looks the proud when he spikes, dammit.

It's another fish. A fish that just happened to be called Oikawa. Oikawa realizes that this is The Something Iwa-chan was gunning for.

 _Why does he look so proud of this?_

"Haha. Very funny, Iwa-chan."

"I'm gonna show this to Matuskawa and Hanamaki."

"What—No, Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan, _no_! Don't do it! _Iwa-chan_!"

* * *

Maybe Oikawa should've been more enthusiastic about the fish; because now Iwa-chan is trying to get him into Godzilla. Again.

"I need to talk to someone about it, Oikawa and you're my best friend. I watched _Star Wars_ for you. Come on, Shittykawa, I know you'll like it."

Oikawa sighs. A long, hard, obnoxious sigh. Here they go again. At least this time Oikawa has something of a reason not to give in; a reason why he never listens to any of Iwa-chan's recommendations anymore.

"Iwa-chan." Oikawa holds his gaze and looks at him very, very carefully, "Remember when you got me to watch Kuroko no Basket? Remember?" Oikawa never thought he'd stay up for anything that wasn't volleyball. He doesn't stay up to study for god's sake, " I cried, Iwa-chan, I cried over fake, over-the-top, melodramatic men playing basketball; over _fictional men_ , Iwa-chan. I know if I watch Godzilla, I'll like it more than you do. So I absolutely will not watch it."

Iwa-chan partially bristles. Oikawa mentally cheers his small victory while trying not to think of the wild basketball anime craze that had happened a year ago. He doesn't want a repeat of last year. He doesn't want to get so invested in anything fictional ever again. That had made him reevaluate all his life decisions and commitments. Was Star Wars really worth the time? Was Star Trek worth time he could spend honing his volleyball? He shivers at that.

"It's only one movie though."

"Iwa-chan!"

Oikawa slams his palm on the wooden table in front of him. He can't believe his friend wants him to got though that pain again; the pain of being too emotionally invested in fictional characters. He can't even pretend he'll try not to. Oikawa never does something half-assed after all.

"Don't you remember Ki-chan?! Or Seiren?! And everything else you made me watch just so we could talk about it?!" And the worst part, the absolute worst part of all is that Oikawa came to love it more than Iwa-chan had. And when he had come to gush about it with Iwa-chan...

"You didn't even know their names, Iwa-chan!"

Oikawa falls back down on his knees and resolves to physically calm himself. There is nothing more painful then getting into something your best friend suggested and finding out your best friend was the type who didn't memorize names. Especially when you're the type to have everything about them burned into your heart; last name, first name, favorite food, current concern, the rest of the trivia he finds on the Internet.

Stupid, stupid Iwa-chan.

"Fine, maybe next time."

For the love of— "Iwa-chan, give it up already!"

* * *

Fish, he can tolerate. Godzilla is a ball he can easily dodge. Sports anime are another thing he can avoid if he just remembers the previous endeavor of watching one. But this. This has gone too far. Oikawa never thought Iwa-chan would cross such a line.

"Oi dumbass, how long are you going to not talk to me?"

Oikawa doesn't even turn his way. Iwa-chan doesn't deserve him, or his friendship. Iwa-chan deserves absolutely nothing for his treachery. This reminds him of the time they found Ushiwaka-chan lost on one of their days off. Iwa-chan had shown him the way through grounded teeth and even that Oikawa had forgiven. But this? This is mutiny worse than fraternizing with the enemy.

"I already said I'd go watch it with you this weekend. Stop being a baby."

It's not the same Iwa-chan. It will never be the same. His friends are horrible. He expects this from Makki. Maybe Mattsun. But _never_ Iwa-chan.

"Oh kind Oikawa-san, please forgive this treacherous act of mine."

No, that didn't pull a smile from his lips. Flattery will get you nowhere, Iwa-chan, absolutely nowhere.

"The ever kind Oikawa-san ~ can I please copy your homework, by the way?"

At that, Oikawa freezes.

Iwa-chan... was doing all this just so he could copy his homework? _His homework?_ He wasn't even doing this because he felt bad about watching the one movie Oikawa has deemed cinema-worthy without him? Without his best friend? Oh it is on Iwa-chan, it is so on.

"Hey Shittykawa, where are you going? ...Oikawa? Oikawa!"

* * *

It's been an entire week since Oikawa's last spoken to Iwa-chan. (Or any of his other friends by association).

It's easy. He spends times with his own classmates. Listens to their stories for once instead of being the story teller and makes a new friend in the class-rep, Sakamoto.

Sakamoto, who he now refers to as Sakkun, isn't much of a talker. That's ok, because Oikawa is much more of a talker and appreciates it when someone actually listens to him. At least, he thinks Sakkun is listening to him; he nods and agrees in all the right places.

It's one time, during a self-study period, Oikawa realizes Sakkun really was listening to everything he said.

"Oikawa-kun."

Oikawa pretends he didn't perk up as fast as he had. It's not everyday Sakkun is the one who initiates the conversation. And Oikawa's only known him for a week.

(Well, they've been in the same class for the past three years. But this is the first time they've really talked.)

"To what do I owe this pleasure Sakkun?" Oikawa should not be this excited nor this accomplished about the situation. It reminds him of the time Iwa-chan was so proud to show him the fish— No, we don't think about Traitor Iwaizumi-san.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Come with me."

Um. Oikawa's pretty sure bathroom buddies are a kindergarten and girl privilege only. And no, real man don't go to the bathroom together no matter what Makki says— No we don't think about Traitor Hanamaki-san either.

"Sakkun... aren't you a little old to need someone go to the bathroom with you?" Oikawa isn't sure if he should laugh because a) this is Super High School Level Class Representative Sakamoto Yuichiro asking him to go to the bathroom with him; it must mean bathroom is a euphemism for something even worse than third year bathroom buddies and b) Sakkun is asking _him_ , someone he hasn't really known for a week, to do something as mundane as go to the bathroom together. Maybe it's a right of privilege Sakkun saves for the people he considers friends. Yes, it has to be that! Damn does Oikawa feel _accomplished_.

"Oikawa-kun—."

"Yes! I mean, nevermind, of course I'll go to the bathroom with you Sakkun!"

When they leave, Oikawa swears he hears someone say, "Didn't Sakamoto just come back from the bathroom?" But he brushes it off. It's not like they're actually going to the bathroom.

* * *

Sakamoto Yuichiro is a dead man. He's dead to Oikawa.

One moment they're walking down the hall, the next Sakkun says, "Oh look, it's Iwaizumi-san" and the he _disappears_. Oikawa didn't think people like Kuroko Tetsuya really existed but Sakkun has proven him wrong— no wait, we don't speak about Traitor Sakamoto-san anymore.

"Hey." Iwa-chan, or should he say Traitor Iwaizumi-san, holds up a hand. Oikawa should walk right past him, leave him to contemplate the mutiny he had brought upon himself, but curiosity gets the better of him.

"Why are standing in the hallway?"

Iwa-chan (Iwaizumi-san, Iwaizumi-san) doesn't even flinch, "Forgot to do my homework."

On any other occasion, Oikawa would've teased him. He's probably still repressing a teasing smile now but he can't let it get the better of him. He shouldn't care about Iwa-chan anymore. Not even to tease him.

"Is that so?" Why did that sound so forced? He has to leave if he wants to go on with this fight, and he has to do right now.

He starts to walk away, waving a hand as he leaves and says, "Well, don't forget about it next time—."

"Oikawa."

Dammit.

"I never actually went to see the movie with Hanamaki and Matsukawa."

...what.

 _What?_

What do you— "— mean you never actually saw the movie with Makki and Mattsun?" Oikawa gapes at him. He's speechless. What the actually hell...? What? He's so surprised he's not even thinking straight anymore.

"I knew you would get really mad if I saw it without you so I didn't go with them. Then Matuskawa thought it would be funny to pretend I did do and see your reaction. So I went along with it. It was kinda... a prank?"

...it was a prank? It was a _prank_? _A prank_?

"But then you got really mad and you haven't talked to me or them the whole week so I'm... I'm sorry."

Then Iwa-chan bows to him.

 _Iwa-chan bows to him._

Oikawa is part hurt, part shocked and part relieved. He's kind of upset his friends thought this was funny but Iwa-chan seemed to realize it really wasn't. Iwa-chan didn't actually watch the movie. Iwa-chan apologized.

There is only one thing left to do.

"So when are we going?"

Iwa-chan lifts his head, "Huh?"

"When are we going to the movies?"

Oikawa sees Iwa-chan sigh with relief and he grins.

* * *

Oikawa comes back and finds a milk-bread on his desk with a note saying 'I hope you'll forgive me for being so bold and I sincerely hope that you've made up with Iwaizumi-san ~ Sakamoto.'

Maybe Oikawa will let this one treacherous act from The Awesome Most Amazing Class Representative Sakamoto Yuichiro slide.

He does when Sakkun allows him to dump a bucket of ice cold water on Makki and Mattsun through the window without reporting him to the staff.

"You're the best Sakkun~!" Oikawa blows him a kiss. Sakkun dodges it. He would've been downright offended had he not heard the thundering footsteps coming from the stairway and Makki screaming, "Oikawa, _you are so dead_."

Sakkun doesn't even tell him not to run in the halls when he rushes past him shouting back, "Think of the children Makki!"

If one good thing came out of his fight with Iwa-chan (besides actually getting to watch the movie with him come Friday) it was Awesome Sauce Sakkun.

Oikawa turns back as he runs and see Sakkun trip both Mattsun and Makki with a well-timed foot. Sakkun adjusts his glasses and glares at them, "Don't run in the hallway."

He is going to give Sakkun the best present ever when his birthday comes around.


End file.
